Find Inspiration Everywhere

My mother-in-law is currently in the middle of remodeling her bedroom and is stuck on choosing (and finding) the perfect shade of purple paint to be used on an accent wall. For weeks, she has been gathering paint samples from various stores and has spent hours starring at them trying to decide which color is best. In fact, she even has an "inspiration" folder with every shade of purple you could imagine.

This same process reminds me how hard it is for brides to make decisions about their wedding design while being surrounded by the ever inspiring wedding magazines and blogs. There are so many options to choose from and so many pretty details that you can't help but love most of them and it's hard to resist wanting to incorporate them all into your event.

I told my mother-in-law exactly what I would tell one of my brides. Find something, whether it be a vase, a candle holder, a photograph, a fabric swatch, or a button that really inspires you and base your entire design around that. I promise it will help you to make decisions and will especially keep you on track in creating a cohesive design. While looking for inspiration try and keep in mind the overall feel you are trying to achieve, and once you've made a decision about design move on. Don't give into the temptation to tweak every last detail, you will drive yourself insane.

Now, go and find some inspiration!

How about a pretty hanger?

On my wedding day I felt confident that I had thought of all the things I may potentially need and I was so sure I hadn't forgotten anything. Really, I thought I was totally prepared.

Then, it was time for our photographer to take my dress and get some pictures before I got into it and that's when I realized something absolutely terrible... I forgot a pretty hanger for my dress! Seriously, my beautiful gown could not be photographed hanging from a piece of plastic that could easily have been from Walmart. Luckily, I didn't worry for too long because our photographer had experienced this before and had along a pretty hanger that I could borrow. Had she not have been prepared, there is no way my dress would have looked like this...

photo courtesy of m three studio

Anyway, I recently tweeted about how brides often forget to find a pretty hanger for their dress and someone shared with me these beauties...

images via Etsy Seller lilafrances

I wish I would have known about these fabulous hangers for my wedding, I certainly would have gotten one! Well, if I had remembered, of course!

Tips For a Less Stressful Wedding Day

With the height of wedding season approaching in the Midwest I can already tell that brides are beginning to think about their wedding every second of the day, are losing sleep, and panicking at the thought of anything going wrong on their big day. Let me say this, something will go wrong, no wedding day is perfect but you can take a few steps to ease your stress that day.

1. At about 2-3 weeks before you wedding take the time to contact all of your day-of vendors (only if you haven't recently met with them though) and confirm their arrival times and also the details of your contract. Knowing that you've had a final discussion with them will give you the utmost confidence in them and their service.

2. Create a production schedule mapping out all of the details for you day. I can't emphasize enough how important and helpful this is.

3. Get your "stuff" organized. Create separate boxes or containers for items related to different events throughout the day. For example, keep all of your items for the ceremony together and labeled in it's own container. This way whoever is setting up has no reservations to where it belongs.

4. Emphasis to your bridal party and any day-of vendors the importance of time. If everyone is prompt and on time it will ease your mind and allow you to really soak in the emotion of the day.

5. Seriously though, just try and relax. If the flowers aren't the perfect shade of magenta, a bridesmaid walks down the aisle on the wrong cue, or your welcome toast isn't exactly how you practiced, at the end of the day you'll still be husband and wife and nobody will have even noticed. Try your best to soak up every moment of the day, it goes by way to fast.

Does anyone else have other tips they'd like to share?

How to Create a Timeline | Part 2

A few weeks ago I discussed the importance of having a timeline on your wedding day and how to go about drafting one. A lovely reader also requested that as a follow up I post a sample timeline. So, for the last couples days I have been trying to create one and I've discovered I just can't do it. I don't feel comfortable providing brides with a sample timeline when all weddings are entirely different, especially when it comes to timing. I'd really hate for someone to try to make my sample timeline work just for the sake of ease. So, the next best thing is a list of the must-haves for your timeline.

• the arrival times of all wedding day vendors
• the start of the "getting ready" process for the bridal party
• the time of the first look or when the bridal party should arrive at the ceremony site
• the ceremony start time
• the reception start time (including the start time for cocktails, dinner, hosted bar, etc.)
• the approximate time of all toasts
• the approximate time of formal dances
• the close of the event

Of course, there are most likely additional elements for you to add to your timeline but again it depends on your wedding. You may want to include: the time of family formals, cake cutting, bouquet toss, etc. The key is to create a timeline that is detailed and easy to follow. After you have completed your timeline I suggest giving it to all of your vendors to ensure that everyone is on the same page and any discrepancies can be dealt with before your wedding day.

As I mentioned in part 1 of this post, a timeline is necessary no matter how simple you feel your wedding day is. If you are organized and have a timeline prepared I can assure you that will alleviate some stress on your wedding day.

How to Create a Timeline | Part 1

I apologize if this subject is along the lines of "Wedding Planning for Dummies," but it really is a task that brides struggle with.

First of all, if you are considering not creating a timeline (or production schedule as I call it) then stop right now. You need to have one. That doesn't mean that you need to carry it around with you all day, but someone should. The more you are aware of "what's next" and also the time the less stressed out you will be.

So, to create the schedule work backwards through the day. For example, to determine the time your hair appointment should start in the morning depends on what time the ceremony starts, what time you'd like to be at the ceremony site, and how long your hair will take to be styled. Deciding on the time of events is a process and you should try to break them down one by one, instead of looking at the day as whole.

Not only should your schedule include things like the time of family formals, the first look, and ceremony start but it also should include when vendors are arriving for day-of deliveries.

Once the schedule is created send it to all the vendors that are participating in any activities on the day-of. Don't worry about feeling like you are micromanaging, you aren't, they will appreciate how organized you are.

Any other questions? Let me know!

Don't Worry...

about how your wedding will look in 20 years.

A recent conversation with a bride made me realize that every bride at one time during their planning process thinks, "Oh my gosh, in 20 years, my wedding is going to look so dated." And my response to that is yes, it probably will, but that's okay.

My advice to any bride that is in this rut is to make decisions and selections based upon what you really want and are happy with now. You will be living this day now and not in 20 years, so stop thinking that way and allowing it to influence your decisions. Also, when you look back at your photos in the future you will be remembering the emotion and amazing memories from that day, not that you wore a feather in your hair, purple shoes, or a colorful bolero jacket.

Wedding Planning Q&A | Part 2

This weeks question comes from a reader, Liz.

"Here's a question I have been stumped on for months...We are having a small intimate ceremony at Villa Terrace (okay, not that small 120 people) but we are inviting another 100 to the reception at Lake Park Bistro. How do I word the invitations to those not "invited" to the ceremony."

Thank you for the question Liz, invitation wording is something that almost all brides struggle with at some point during their planning.

First off all, to make the invitation process easier on you, I would keep the designs very similar for both invitations. Also, not knowing much about your wedding other than the venues, I would take a more formal approach.

For wording the reception only invitation there are various ways to appropriately invite the guests but I would keep it simple and say something like:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith invite you to an evening reception to celebrate their wedding.

Also, be sure to include the time and address of Lake Park Bistro.

One more thing to consider is timing. If these guests are only invited for a portion of the reception (such as dancing) make sure that you pad a little bit of extra time in your schedule just incase your dinner (assuming you are having one) takes longer than expected. You definitely don't want the guests that arrive later to show up while your other guests are still seated and eating. It can be a very awkward situation.

If you have a question to be answered leave a comment and I will answer it next week!

You Don't Want a Cheap Wedding, Trust Me!

I hate the word cheap, it is a dirty dirty word and should be expelled from the English language and therefore never again used in the wedding industry. Sure, something cheap is low in cost but it is also low in quality.

So many brides are looking for cheap photography, entertainment, catering, etc. and when I am asked who those "cheap" vendors are I am normally a little stunned. Sorry, I don't refer cheap vendors, some may be more affordable than others, but none offer a cheap quality.

I myself was a Recessionista Bride looking to get the most from my budget so I can relate to the brides who are seeking the benefits of a "cheap" vendor but please don't compromise the quality of your wedding day just to save a few bucks. There are definitely some very quality vendors around that are affordable for your budget. Trust me, I found them and my wedding was far from one that was lacking quality.

One more thing, you may have noticed already but try and replace the word cheap with affordable. Beyond the fact that it's a nicer sounding word, I also find it less insulting. No vendor wants to be known as the cheap guy in town.

Wedding Planning Q&A | Part 1

Even though no two brides are alike (kind of like snowflakes) they still ask similar questions. In the next couple weeks I am going to be doing a mini series answering some common questions that I find myself frequently answering.

If I am wearing an ivory gown is it okay to have white linens, groomsmen shirts, etc.?

It is certainly acceptable to mix shades of white, or any color for that matter, without having to worry about clashing. My only hesitation would be if your gown is a true ivory color, with a yellow tone, then you may want to consider using ivory linen, shirts, etc. only because you don't want your gown looking dirty or dingy. However, most gowns that are an "ivory" color don't pull too much yellow so again don't worry too much unless it's really a yellowish color.

Is it okay to serve only one entree at our dinner?

Some people may disagree with me but yes, there is no need to offer more than one entree choice at your dinner. If you are hesitant think of it like this. The last time you attended a dinner party (essentially what your dinner is, just on a larger scale) were you given a choice or did you call the host and give your suggestions? My guess is no, you didn't. I do suggest though that if you are only going to serve one entree that it be something the majority of people enjoy, and I would skip the red meat and maybe consider serving a combination plate. Also, if you are concerned about dietary needs, don't be. As a guest, it is their responsibility to contact you if they have an allergy or special dietary needs.

What time should an hors d'oeuvre reception start?

The timing of this type of reception can be tricky and you want to ensure that your invitation conveys to all of your guests that the food is going to be "limited" and that they aren't having a 5 course meal. With that said, I absolutely wouldn't start an hors d'oeuvre reception before 7 pm and if possible would start it a little later. You want you allow your guests time to eat dinner before they arrive to your reception otherwise you could run out of food and have disgruntled starving wedding guests. Not fun.

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer? I'd really love to hear them! Leave a comment or email me at meghan{at} thecitybride{dot}com.

The {Approximate} Cost of a Backyard Affair

To follow up with a post from last week, I'd like to further discuss the costs of having a backyard wedding. I am finding it very common that brides are unsure of the actual cost of certain services and a tented outdoor wedding is no exception.

For the sake of ease, lets say this backyard wedding is for 100 guests.

The following equipment is absolutely necessary for an outdoor affair:

tent including poles and sidewalls $2000

tent for caterer $150

13 60" round tables $107

2 8 ft banquet tables (head table) $16

5 cabaret tables (cocktails) $34

1 cake table $7

1 8 ft gift table $8

100 basic wood folding chairs $375

13 linens for dinner tables $468

2 linens for head table $59

5 cocktail table linens $105

1 cake table linen $23

1 gift table linen $29

100 napkins $60

dance floor $475

portable restrooms $1000

Total: $4916

Keep in mind that this is a ballpark figure and all the equipment (except for linens) is very basic. I also did not incorporate delivery and set up charges since they vary depending on the company and location but you can estimate at least $500 total.

Now that I have crunched the numbers for you go ahead and decide if an outdoor wedding is for you (and your budget!)

How About We Just Throw Up a Tent!

A bride planning a backyard wedding is a girl after my own heart. I love the atmosphere, intimacy and the endless possibilities of a backyard affair but what many people don't understand is that you can't just "throw up a tent."

This post is by no means intended to deter anyone from hosting a backyard wedding, I just want to remind you all that is involved.

A backyard wedding requires a tent, tables, chairs, and possibly a dance floor, lighting, electricity, and portable restrooms. Doesn't sound like much? Well, you are coordinating it all. There is no banquet manager to ensure that you have enough tables, chairs, linen, etc. or to help you with the layout of the dance floor or guest tables. With that said, hiring a good rental company is absolutely necessary. They will help you every step of the way but you need to stay organized and be the driving force for all of the communications and planning. Also, not only are you coordinating all of this during the planning stages you are also supervising set-up just days before your wedding.

There is one last thing. I try not to push on the blog that you should hire a Wedding Day Manager but here you must. When your wedding is at your (or parents') home you will not be able to escape the mishaps that occur. I mean really, what are you going to do when the guest shuttle gets stuck in the mud, it begins to pour rain 5 minutes before your ceremony, or the portable restroom overflows? You will be panic stricken and you don't need that on your wedding day.

If you are organized, up for a bit of a challenge and can handle a higher level of stress, by all means plan a backyard wedding (and have so much fun!).

Ditch the Pre-Made Timelines

Is anyone else frustrated with the pre-made timelines that all of the wedding magazines and websites are providing? They frustrate me because I see brides using them as a resource and just getting stressed out in the process.

Every couple's planning timeline and situation are different, so I don't think it's appropriate for everyone to use the same timeline. Especially since most timelines are based upon a 12 month period and we know not everyone has a 12 month engagement. I sincerely suggest ditching the pre-made timeline and creating something that suits your situation.

To get you started, here is what is important. First, before you do anything else, create a budget! (yes, the exclamation point is necessary!) With the excitement of engagement comes the immediate need to start planning but without a budget where do you even start? Well, many brides just start planning and claim they have no budget. Even if your budget is a million dollars, you still have a budget. Create one and I promise your planning will be less stressful.

You should of course then choose the date followed by venues for both ceremony and reception. I know that this can be challenging, especially if you have your heart set on specific venues but use your problem solving skills and I know you can work it out.

After the date and venues are chosen you need to hire a photographer. Good photographers book fast and unless you have weekday wedding you don't have time to wait. Sorry if this stresses you out but it's true. Now, you have a date set, you've chosen venues and you have a photographer...now you can breathe for a few moments.

At this point, you should begin researching other vendors and meeting with those that best suit your style. If you have more than 6 months before your wedding I certainly wouldn't rush this phase. Take your time and meet with lots of different vendors in each category and find the ones that you like the best and really want to work with. This phase can be time consuming, but in the end the better relationship you have with these people the more enjoyable your wedding will be.

The pre-made timelines touch on things like asking your bridal party to participate, creating a gift registry, finalizing plans for your honeymoon, etc. and while these are all important aspects of your wedding I don't feel that they need to be part of your timeline. The simpler this "checklist" is for you the better.

I obviously didn't touch on everything that should be included, like buying your dress, creating a guest list, and choosing linens because you need to do that when you are ready. Face the fact that some things can't be done a year before your wedding.

P.S. Please leave a comment if you would like to know what timing I suggest for a different aspect of your planning that I haven't included in this post.

Don't Be a No Show!

As I have mentioned before, I help out at Miss Ruby Boutique every Saturday and I love it! It allows me to witness brides in action and help them in another capacity. Last Saturday however, I was very disappointed in the actions of a few brides. I am not sure why, but when brides appear to be uneducated (in a sense of wedding planning) it always bothers me. Most likely because I feel the main purpose of this blog is to educate brides throughout their planning process and guide them to make good decisions.

Anyway, on Saturday there were 2 no show appointments. To many of you this may seem like a ridiculous reason to be upset and at first I wasn't but then I started thinking.

Brides were calling all day long hoping to get a last minute appointment for that day. Unfortunately, we were completely booked and I had to turn them away. But, really if the brides who didn't show up for their appointment had canceled I probably could have accommodated some of those other brides.

My point here is that everyone's time is important and if for some reason you can't attend a meeting or appointment just let us know. We will be happy to reschedule and accommodate you in any way that we can.

Still aren't convinced it's important to cancel? Think of it like this. By canceling your appointment or meeting you are opening up an opportunity for another bride. Maybe you are making her planning less stressful, allowing her an opportunity to hire a vendor before her date is booked, or just allowing her to do a little more planning that day. For whatever reason, remember that you are helping her.

Please, please, please, cancel the appointments you can't attend. It will make me feel so much better.

How NOT to Act at a Consultation

You may not realize this but when you attend an initial consultation you too are being interviewed as much as the vendor you are meeting with. Yep, believe it or not, vendors do turn clients away. Here's the truth. Vendors obviously want a bride's business but more importantly we want to work with clients that mesh well with our style and are pleasant to work with. With that said, unfortunately, not all potential clients will be extended a contract.

So, here are some examples of what not to do during an initial consultation that may influence whether or not a vendor extends a contract to you.

At no point during the meeting should you answer your cell phone. It is very awkward to sit there and listen to someone else's conversation while of course, you are pretending not to listen. 9 times out of 10 it is not an emergency and can probably wait another 20 minutes until the meeting is over. And, if you are wondering, saying "excuse me" doesn't make this situation okay.

Don't spend half of the meeting bickering with your mom about wedding plans, especially those that don't have anything to do with your current meeting. This is also an awkward moment for vendors. Whose side do you take, the bride or the mother's? And yes, we will be forced to take a side and it isn’t pleasant.

Leave your groom bashing comments at home. Vendors obviously want to contribute to healthy and successful marriages and don't want to hear that you feel your groom is inadequate to make decisions or that you already have your second wedding planned.

As you can see, the way that you act during your initial consultation can really influence your future relationships with vendors. Read yesterday's post for how to appropriately act during a consult.

P.S. Some of the above examples were dramatized during the process of writing this post and may not be described exactly as they first occurred.

Advice for Initial Consultations

Brides are typically nervous when they first begin meeting with potential vendors. I don't completely understand it but it's true. This should be an enjoyable time in your planning process and I don't want you to feel anxiety, so here is some advice.

1. Be calm. We understand that planning a wedding is stressful but we want to know that you are organized and can deal with {at least a little} stress. If you are calm the discussion will flow naturally and we will be able to learn much more about your wedding and your expectations.

2. Have a clear vision. Before you attend an initial consultation discuss with your fiance (and maybe family) the level of service you are seeking. It is always uncomfortable when surprises arise in conversation and someone doesn't know what is going on.

3. Have a budget. For some reason discussing money always seems awkward. I've been there, I know. However, this is no excuse not to discuss a budget before meeting with a vendor. We can't even begin to help you find the best service if we don't know how much you can spend. By the way, no matter what anyone says no {respectable} vendor is going to charge you more just because you tell us you have a large budget. We will charge you what the service is worth.

That's it! Pretty simple, huh?

Keep these few tips in mind and I promise you will feel more comfortable when you meet vendors!

A Note on Negotiating

This post is very straight forward and completely my personal opinion. If you don't wish to know how about I feel about price negotiating, come back tomorrow for The City's Best premiere.

An email from a vendor in the local wedding industry sparked my thoughts regarding the act of negotiating prices during your planning process.

Many brides are planning a wedding on a budget and I totally respect (and suggest) that. However, constantly asking for a discount is inappropriate. You may not realize this, but when you ask for a discount you are decreasing the value of the service that a vendor is offering and you are flat out suggesting that their service isn't worth the money. The conversation can become awkward and also puts the vendor in an odd position. You are asking them to quickly decide between cheapening their value and making a sale or standing behind the quality of their service.

Now, since many vendors do offer an off-season or a non-Saturday discount, there is a proper way to discuss the matter. Simply ask the vendor for their different pricing structures and you can do the math yourself. If you do happen to find a vendor that does offer a discount don't continue to try and talk them down. It's just rude.

So, the next time you are considering approaching the topic of a discount, keep in mind the proper way to do so and remember that it may lead to an awkward conversation.

Don't Leave Us Hanging

Please.

Often times brides meet with many different vendors within an expertise and hire one but never contact those that they don't wish to hire. This can be really frustrating for vendors. There is a lot of time and creativity that goes into customizing a proposal and it would be nice to get some feedback and possibly an explanation from those potential clients that don't follow through.

I am not saying that you need to write a novel to every vendor that you don't hire throughout your planning process but a short email or phone call would be a nice gesture to those vendors who have shared with you thoughts and ideas about your wedding.

I don't have much personal experience with this issue but I know that it is something other vendors deal with frequently. Be courteous and let us know if we aren't the right fit. We want your wedding to be fabulous and will respect your decisions. Just let us know.

A Guide to Tipping Your Vendors

While you are in the beginning planning stages of your wedding you may not be incorporating the extra money into your budget for gratuities, so I want to ensure that it’s on your radar from the beginning.

Many vendors, such as caterers, include their gratuity within their contracts so be sure to read them carefully. If the gratuity is not included the general standard is 15-20%. The actual amount is your discretion based on the service that you receive. However, even if you have a below average experience you should tip something. Think of it like this, if you were at a restaurant you would never leave without giving a little something as a tip and the same applies here.

Now there is also another rule that you may be familiar with. If the vendor owns their own company it is not necessary to tip them because the fee that you are paying for their service is going directly to them. However, I don’t completely agree with this. The "rule" makes it seem like all of your fee is going directly into their pocket but in reality it's paying for expenses to keep their business up and running. Also, the owner of the business is doing more work for you than any employee would. Again, this concept is your discretion.

If you would like suggestions for actual amounts to tip vendors, read this article from Martha Stewart Weddings.

Fab Wedding Reads

Even in the world of wedding blogs, every bride should own (or at least read) a few inspiring planning books. Here are a few of my favorites.

Simple Stunning Weddings: by Karen Bussen. If you’ve used the words simple and elegant to describe your wedding this is the book for you. The book is filled with practical design ideas and advice. Karen also authored a fabulous book filled with shower themes and ideas.

Emily Post’s Wedding Planner: 9 times out of 10 when a bride comes to a consultation she is armed with a big heavy binder filled with all her planning materials. If you are that organized bride, this is the planner for you. It guides you through the entire planning process including budget, attire, and ceremony and reception planning.

Colin Cowie Wedding Chic: This book is filled with gorgeous wedding inspiration. The book touches on the majority of wedding elements including bouquets, centerpieces, stationery, and food and drink. My advice for getting the most out of this book is to find a few elements that you love and incorporate them in your own way. The designs as a whole can be over whelming and unattainable with most budgets.

Happy reading!

Setting the Style Record Straight

Meghan: “Tell me about the style of your wedding”

Bride: “Well, my colors are tiffany blue and white.”

Meghan: “Okay, tell me about how you want your event to feel.”

Bride: “My colors are tiffany blue and white.”

Meghan: “What type of experience do you want to create for your guests?”

Bride: “My colors are tiffany blue and white.”

Does this conversation sound at all familiar? Unfortunately, my guess is yes.

I know that I may be over exaggerating just a teeny tiny bit with this conversation but as I mentioned before, brides have a terrible time describing their style. So, I am setting the record straight once and for all.

Your wedding colors do not define your style.

Sure, your colors are a clue to your overall style but they are not the sole indicator. The style of your event is about the feeling that you create for your guests and what they experience throughout the day. My best advice for you is to forget the colors and think about your wedding with a more sophisticated approach.

Creating an event that reflects you as a couple will go much farther than tiffany blue and white. Trust me.